I went back to work yesterday and it was hard. too hard. I felt like at any point during the day I was going to start crying. I probably went back too soon, but what can you do. The funeral was good. sad, but good. I felt comfort in being near my family. I felt like his spirit surrounded us. It was hard to see him there. I kept wanting to say, "get up, Philip. get up." he couldn't.
That night I dreamed of him and when I had to go back to work, I was met with great difficulty. I still can't wrap my brain around it all. I still can't get away from how he ended his life, rather than how he lived it. I know I need to separate the two, but it's just hard. I just want him back. I know I'm being selfish, but so was he.
Today was better. I was able to get through my day without feeling as though I was going to cry.
Even so, I feel like he's around me at work. In the current novel we're reading, his name is the same as the main character's. I have a student with a similar name. I have two students who are struggling to connect. And, of course, he's always with me.
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2 comments:
Ashlea, I wish there was something that I could do that would just make you better. But all I can say is that you are in my prayers! I hope that brings you a little comfort.
so sorry to hear about this :(
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