Scared and life

So, I leave for Austin tomorrow. I'm terrified. I don't know why, it's just a three-hour jaunt down I-35. I'm just nervous that I won't be what they expected. What if I suck? I guess my appearance makes people think I'm younger than I am (and the fact that I use the word "suck") and I'm afraid they won't take me seriously. For example, today at the bank the kid behind the counter goes, "you're a teacher" (I was depositing a reimbursement check). Flattered at first, but annoyed that I look so young. Oh well, no fears, right?

Since I'm on a roll, I might as well bitch and moan some more...why is everything so expensive?

My car engine coolant needed to be flushed to the tune of $167. I also need to have a new fan belt in six months for another $250. AWESOME! So excited for that!

Today, I was researching vacation bible schools for Abby when she comes down, and I just happened to peruse the pre-school section of the church websites. Even though kids are a long ways away, it never hurts to be prepared, plus I need to find a church home. Murad and I talked about how we want our children to go to a Lutheran pre-school so they get a good foundation in Christian Education (the kids will go to Mosque on Fridays), top notch curriculum and they also have Spanish built into the curriculum. However, never in a million years did I think it would cost $400/month for pre-school. I remember Pre-school. It was a lot of fun, but not $400 fun. For $400 a month my kid better find a cure for cancer or end world hunger. I really hope we don't have twins, "Timmy you're going to sit in front of the TV while your brother goes to school. He showed more potential."

Even though the cost of things is a little disheartening, it did open up some dialogue between Murad and I. We've already talked about the basics of starting the Campbell family. We both agree on three children, although Murad did tell me that if I didn't produce boys we'd have to keep trying until we got one (yeah, right). We both agree that we want to wait five years to have a family, although if the Lord blesses us prematurely we will be happy. However, we had to resign the dream of a home in Dallas, *sigh*

Originally, we wanted to buy a little starter home in Dallas. Something we could live in until we have kids, but then we realized it makes more since to buy our "second" home (aka the one where we'll spend the majority of our married lives). However, a big home in Dallas is just not affordable on my little salary, Murad's tiny salary and his student loans. So, we've resigned to move to the SUBURBS. It'll be good for us and we won't move for a year and a half or so. We'll need to save a little more money because a big home puts us just outside of our price range, but ultimately it's the right decision. Better schools for our kids and that's what is most important. We just really love living in Dallas. Even now it seems like such a drive to go out in downtown or uptown that I can't imagine what it'll be like in the suburbs. The only bright side is that we'll be close to an outlet mall! There is a light at the end of the tunnel....

Speaking of shopping... I found my wedding shoes. I wanted something a little different and funky, but I didn't want a heel that was too high!

What do you think? $46.00 isn't bad compared to the $98 "bridal" shoes bridal salons sell! I guess it is possible to have great wedding style during a recession!

Enchiladas

Murad & SamSampson Lee

Maya Leigh

Me & My Maya

So, tonight I channeled my inner domestic goddess and cooked something from scratch. Okay, so it's about as close to scratch as I'm going to get! Murad and I had been CRAVING enchiladas, so I got really ambitious and made them for us. They were so good! So Yummy!

• Grapeseed oil (or another high smoke-point oil such as peanut or canola oil)
• 12 corn tortillas
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 clove of garlic, minced
• 1 cup of salsa (Mild prepared salsa or make your own using cooked or canned tomatoes, roasted green chiles, onions, cilantro, oil and vinegar. Do not use salsa made with fresh, uncooked tomatoes for this dish.)
• 3 Tbsp of tomato paste
• 1 cup of water
• 1 lb of jack cheese, mild cheddar or longhorn or any mild yellow cheese, grated

1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2 In a large fry pan at high heat add 3 Tbsp of grapeseed oil. Add a tortilla to the pan. Cook for 2-3 seconds, lift up the tortilla with a spatula, add another tortilla underneath. Cook for 2-3 seconds, lift again, both tortillas, and add another tortilla underneath. Repeat the process with all the tortillas, adding a little more oil if needed. This way you can brown and soften the tortillas without using a lot of fat. You do this process to develop the flavor of the tortillas. As the tortillas brown a little, remove from the pan one by one to rest on a paper towel, which absorbs any excess fat.

2 Sauté up the chopped onion and garlic, then turn off the heat. Add 1 cup of salsa. Dissolve 3 Tbsp of tomato paste into 1 cup of water, add to pan.

3 Put some olive oil on the bottom of a large casserole pan. Take a tortilla, cover 2/3 of it lightly with the shredded cheese, then roll up the tortilla and place it in the casserole pan. Continue until all tortillas are filled and rolled. Add sauce to the top of the tortillas in the the casserole pan. Make sure all are covered with the sauce. If not, add a little water. Cover the whole thing with the rest of the grated cheese. Put the casserole in the oven for 10 minutes or until the cheese melts.

Voila! Tasted just like something from a Mexican restaurant except cheaper and less fattening. I sort of made it as a Pre-Father's Day Celebration! Yes, that's right. We celebrate Father's Day in our house. Even though Abby isn't here, it's important that I do something special for my man. He is such a good father to her even from afar. He is also a great dad to our two dogs. Makes me excited for when we have little kiddos of our own. Not anytime soon though!

So, this week I'm going to Austin! I'm a little nervous. I'm going by myself and I do not know what to expect. My curriculum director nominated me for this position back in the fall. I honestly didn't think I would get it, but I'm glad I did. I will review curriculum documents for English/Language Arts/Reading for students who have some sort of developmental disability that prevents them from taking state assessments. So I am a little nervous because I do not work with this population, so I wonder what type of insight I can provide. Oh well. I guess they chose me for a reason, right?

I'll miss my babies though. They started sleeping with us again. At first Maya slept in the bed with me until Murad came to bed and Sam would only sleep with me if Murad was out of town. This week, Sam started sleeping next to me. I'm not sure how his 67 lb. body does it, but he makes room for himself in our bed. Maya sleeps in our bed, usually at the foot of the bed (although last night she was on my pillow...go figure), but she still ends up on the floor in the morning. That's our crazy life. So different than what I expected. I never would've pictured that I would share two beautiful dogs with the guy I met on at the airport over two years ago. I was such a party girl, but not really. I was going through the motions of being what I thought a "single girl in the city" was, but I longed for something more fulfilling. And even though many of the changes I made in my life were my decisions, I couldn't have done it without his support and love. I do wish I was more confident when I was single, but I have no desire to go back and be single again. I can only be the more confident taken-girl.

Well, this is the point in the blog when I start rattling off wedding plans. It seems that they are consuming my life at this point. This week, I contacted all the vendors, but I still have a lot of work to do.
1. set appointments with the two pastors we are considering. I wish my fiance would just set a day and time for this. He's so picky about when he wants to meet. I wish I could do this without him, but this is one of the many things for which I need him. Our ceremony is the MOST important part of the wedding!
2. pick out tuxes. I guess there is no rush, but I just want to make sure their vests and ties match the sash on the bridesmaid dresses and the flower girl dresses. My bridesmaids need to order their dresses soon and I haven't given them any guidance!
3. book the DJ. We played phone tag all week.
4. call the Holiday Inn and check on our block.
5. Make my save the dates and mail them. I still need to trim the guest list and finish the website.
6. Call my dental hygienist and make sure she is still doing our wedding and groom's cake. (ironic, I know...I wonder if it's cavity-free)

On a brighter note, my mom called today and said she found star soap molds. My grandma is going to make star soaps (for the Lone Star State) as our favors. They're cute,they're simple and essentially free!

I need to let the dogs out and finish some laundry and then to bed, to bed, I said!

I have a cold in June

How the hell is that possible? At first, I thought it was allergies. I spent all day dusting on Friday. But, no. Each day since then I have awoken to a sore throat and a runny nose. So annoyed. Oh well. I'm just sitting on the couch watching TV. The weather outside is bad today, so I'm not missing any quality pool time.

Well, after my mental breakdown last week things have gotten better. I thought I was the victim of identity theft. Luckily, that's not the case, however, I have to go through an annoying process of getting it taken off my report with one of the credit bureaus. Not my fault, but I still have to do all the freaking work. Even though my credit is still good, I don't feel comfortable buying a home until this is all taken care of, so no house just yet! I'm not as sad about it as I used to be.

Murad got a new job! Yeah! It's a job he really wanted. He will be working at a hospital (not my ideal job). This will be so great for him! Woo-hoo.

This week I've been really regretting having a long engagement. We've been to a couple weddings in the last few weeks. While they were each fun and unique, I'm kind of regretting planning a wedding. I thought having a long engagement and the wedding we always wanted would be perfect, but right now all I want is to be his wife. All I want is for somone to call me, "Mrs Campbell." All I want is to proudly say, "this is my husband." I know my mind will change. I guess I'm just getting stressed out with all the wedding stuff. And, I just really want to be his wife.

I practice writing my future name all the time and I just realized I haven't decided what my new name will be. I have four choices
1. First Middle Maiden (99% sure I will not do this)
2. First Middle Last
3. First Maiden Last (maiden would be my new middle)
4. First Middle Maiden Last (no hyphen, I would have two middle names)
Honestly, it's between #2 & #4. I'm leaning more towards # 4 just because I can't imagine Woodard not being part of my name. Ultimately, I will be First Last. I'll probably never sign my name as #4, but it will be on my driver's license. We'll see. I have nine months to decide.

Nine months....eek. Yesterday one of my bridesmaids went with me to look at bridesmaid dress colors. I wanted to make sure the champagne would look good with sky blue. The sky blue they had was more violet than blue, so I decided to go with periwinkle (which is the original color I wanted). So, the bridesmaids will wear champagne dresses with a periwinkle sash. My flower girls will wear periwinkle dresses. The groomsmen, ushers and dads will wear black tuxes with periwinkle vests and ties. I think it will look great! I hope!

This weekend I also got information about hotels, pastors and a DJ. I'm so on the ball! Next week: meet with potential pastors, pick out tuxes and register for gifts at one store. Ask how much I've done on my grad school project this weekend: Notta! Okay, I lied I worked on it for a bit. They moved the due date back and I've been procrastinating since they did that. I'll get it done, but it may be at the eleventh hour!

Okay, well back to TV watching!

Sex and the City

Kind of ironic that my last post was all deep and about God and this post is about SEX and the City! However, that was the only bright spot in my week. I dragged my fiance along with me to see the movie. I absolutely loved it! I'm definitely going to see it again, even if I have to go by myself. Highly, highly recommend!!!!!

Signs from God

This week has been a series of ups and downs for us. I think I cried at least twice everyday this week. Most of it is financial stuff. While it's nothing really major, it just means more work for me to do to straighten out a situation that somebody else created! I hate that. Something that is my fault and I have to fix it. Murad also has had some issues too, but fortunately he knows how to check his emotions. He doesn't resolve to crying uncontrollably and yelling curse words. He just mutters them a few times.

Despite all this, I did gain some insight. I do feel a rejuvenated, if you will. Fortunately, we found out about all this before we did anything major. I really do think these are all signs from God. He's giving us messages about what to do in our lives. Murad and I both said that to each other. We both were like, "Thank God this happened now." Not only are we thanking Him, but we're being proactive and doing his will. Rather than sulking and saying "why me" (like I did all day yesterday), we're taking steps to fix the mistakes....someone else's mistakes, may I add.

I'm just so thankful that Murad and I see things the same way. We both trust in God (we just have different names for Him), but we know that God doesn't want us to let Him do everything for us. He gives us signs and ultimately the tools to do His will.

Wow!

It's been a while! I guess I haven't realized how busy I've been. Here are some major updates on my life.
1. may 18th--Sam & Maya's 9 month birthday
2. may 19th-- Murad and I celebrated our two year anniversary
3. may 21st--10 months until our wedding day
4. may 25th--Jennifer & Jason Cheng's wedding--so much fun
5. may 28th-- MSNBC runs an article about interracial families in the U.S. and my dad has a (small), but important quote on pg. 3 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24542138/

Well, I'll talk about the last two things. Jennifer & Jason's wedding was sunday. It was absolutely beautiful! She had such attention to detail, and the day couldn't have been more perfect. They had an outdoor ceremony at a country club in Wichita, with an indoor reception. They had wonderful pink, ivory and chocolate decor and delicious white and dark chocolate pretzels as favors..yummy! I'm also envious of Jennifer's three dresses! Count 'em three! Murad and I had a blast on the dance floor and there were many times when we were the only ones out there.

So, with all the Obamaness going on around the nation (Yay Obama!), MSNBC decided to run an article about multiracial families in America (bout time). I think it's great. There are so many of us out there, with so many unique experiences to share. I'm currently working on sort of a Chicken Soup for the Multiracial Soul book in which people from these families write about their experiences. Yay, Dad! Actually Yay, Mom and Dad for taking a risk and creating my brother and me, two multiracial individuals.

Well, my little mulitcolored dogs (black & white) are not so little anymore. They are growing up so fast. I just love them so much. Each day I'm so impressed by their unique personalities and how cuddly they are. I love waking up to them (most mornings, except when Sam claws at my face!) I just remember when they were puppies and now they are nine months. They are getting so big too. Sam has been limping around. At first, we were worried but then the vet assured us that it was just growing pains because he's growing so fast. Murad and I are thinking of buying a house again. We'll see....trying not to get my hopes up yet!

THE WEDDING. Everything with our wedding could not be more perfect except two things:
1. the guest list---how do I trim it?
2. my weight loss--- I need to lose 10 more lbs.
Other than that, I can't complain. My dress is going to be absolutely beautiful. The food, excellent. The flowers and decor will be great. The venue is perfect. I've already picked out some readings and vows and I can't wait to figure out how to incorporate them. Our engagement pictures will be awesome! I'm actually excited to make my save-the-dates and inviations! So, i have so many blessings with the wedding and just two major things on which to work. Not too bad, right?

Revisit

Last night Murad and I ate dinner in front of the tube and what came on MSNBC, but "The Carr Brothers: The Terror of Wichita." I immediately told Murad to keep the channel on it so we could watch it. He had a hard time understanding why until I fully explained what happened. Then he remembered hearing about the story as he had been attending Barton at that time.

Well the terror of Wichita occured during my freshman year of college, right after the death of my beloved grandmother. Things in Wichita changed overnight. I remember my parents, who had just recently gotten accustomed to me not having a curfew, suddenly stayed up extra late to insure that I made it home. I never wanted to go anywhere by myself. I never wanted to be by myself.

Immediately after watching the program, I felt paralyzed with the fear I once felt again. I begged Murad not to workout that night and to stay home with me. I also stayed alert and frozen the entire time he went to the grocery store to get some juice.

Watching the program also brought back a lot of feelings of racial discomfort. Because the Carr Brothers were black and all the victims were white, it brought back a lot of racial issues into our community. Wounds were reopened and it took so long to repair and I hate the Carr brothers for doing that. I hate them for what they did to their victims, but I also hate how they hurt the black community and ultimately Wichita's spirit.

I could tell Murad felt moved while we watched it. Afterwards, he goes, "I don't usually say this because I do not support the death penalty, but they got what they deserved." Did they? It will be a while before the severe, life-ending punishment will be administered. Until then, they reside in a maximum security prison seperated from the prisoners who may wish them harm. The two surviving victims must live their lives in fear. They will never know if the next person they meet is like The Carr Brothers.

As a teacher, it also made me fearful. I do not generally fear my students, but I do see the struggles they go through and wonder how they will end up later in life. However, Murad reminded me that there are a million people who grow up in circumstances like the Carr Brothers (homes with cold, unloving mothers, absent fathers, abusive parents, molestation, poverty) and they do not go out and terrorize people like they did. I just pray that I can make a difference on the lives of my students. I pray that no one ends up like them. I pray that no one has to suffer as their victims did.

Lastly, this story made me sad for Wichita. Watching it made me wonder if people think of Wichita as this little town plagued by murder. Not only do we have the Carr Brothers, but we also have the infamous BTK, who if he ever read my blog would be happy to see me reporting on him. However, I am not going to mention anymore on this man, or lack thereof. I do want to say that Wichita, despite those two instances, is a great place. I lived there my entire life and never once felt unsafe until the Carr Brothers and the reemergence of BTK. I would love to return there to live, but I think Dallas (a much more crime-ridden community) is my new home.

I just wanted to revisit something on which I had thought I closed the door on a long time ago.